HEL

Yes, that's the acronym for a class I am taking right now, the History of the English Language. This class, though not entirely useful, has gotten me thinking about the ridiculousness of our language. I've been working on my thesis and I've come across some spellings and abbreviations that we should go back to. From now on, we'll all start writing like this:
syght, lyving, bloodie, ielous, hartes, spoyle, matcht, teares, bewayles

Looks so much more poetic, doesn't it?

Global Warming... Propaganda?

Apparently, conservative Christian groups are against global warming, as well as a number of other important social, environmental, and political issues:

"The up-tick in global warming propaganda in recent days is to set the stage for the release of the Fourth Assessment Report from the International Panel on Climate Change. Surprise, surprise, the report will say the sky is falling – faster and faster." (Courtesy Henry Lamb, one of our good friends from World Net Daily)

The article, and others like it from this conservative Christian news source, claim that the theory of global warming is "propaganda" touted by the liberals as an excuse for a billion-dollars-a-year industry.

I have seen Al Gore's film An Inconvenient Truth and I won't argue that it wasn't a little too political for me. Nor will I say that (as a student pointed out) liberals aren't just as hypocritical when it comes to environmental concerns as conservatives are dismissive. However, with all of the scientific information available that supports global warming, climate change, loss of species and habitat, and increasing CO2 levels in our environment - how can one claim that this is all just propaganda? I hate to say it, but Christian conservatives have ignored scientific evidence for decades. This is just one more issue where they can show their ignorance.

But even without the an absolute consensus on the status of global warming (which they say is still a question that is up for debate), the issues on the table are still incredibly valid ones. Let's say I am a conservative Christian who interprets the Bible literally. God asks us to be stewards of our earth (and our money, but we'll leave that for later). This is a creation (a beautiful creation, if you ask me) that God took care of in six days. Speciess are endangered. Habitats are changing, which will inevitably lead to more extinctions. How is this not a concern of the average conservative Christian? Even if they don't buy into the whole global warming thing, what can policies limiting CO2 emissions or increasing gas mileage for cars produced in the US hurt? I see no negative to helping the environment out - if only just a little bit.

I'd like to keep this earth around for just a bit longer, thank you very much.

I could not bring myself to touch him. Perhaps I was afraid that death would seep out of his veins and creep up my arm and swallow me too. My choice was to come; but I forced myself into the car, and up the steep hill and into the house where he lay dying. Shreds of comfort surrounded him: notes, and family photos, and letters. But he could not see them. I watched his thin body shudder with every breath and his one eye, barely open, covered with the mist of impending death. I wondered if he could see me. The nurses told me that even though he was in a coma, he could still hear me. But what could I say to a man I have known for more than fifteen years who was dying as a result of a terrible disease? That he didn't deserve this? That I understand his pain?
No. Instead, I told him that his faith and attitude throughout his illness inspired me. How could a man be so strong in the face of such incredible turmoil? My faith - my faithlessness - seemed so minimal in comparison to his. I told him his faith had been a beacon to so many people. I recalled the time when our families went to Florida for vacation and we spent some time at Target where he put on a hot pink floppy hat and carried a pink purse. We still have that picture.
And then I broke down entirely. I don't think I have cried so much and with such abandon in my entire life. It was fulfilling, actually - releasing. When I composed myself enough to talk again, I told him that we would all take care of his girls for him. But these words were too much for me to bear and again, I began sobbing. As I said this, I saw his chest heave and his one open eye flutter. I'm not a doctor and I know nothing about the human body, but I need to believe that he heard me.
Before the funeral I told myself not to keep back my tears. That tight feeling in the back of your throat and in your chest is just a warning from your body that you're doing something wrong. Why try when I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself? So when the funeral started, I was prepared with several packages of tissues. I started to cry when the choir sang a song they had dedicated to him last year. The tears came stronger and without ceasing as his brother spoke. "As I look out over this crowd," he said, "I have never been prouder of my brother than I am today." His voice cracked - just a little - and he took his place with the rest of the family.
The last hymn at the funeral was my favorite one. You can only find it in the Lutheran hymnals.
Hark! The voice of Jesus calling
Who will go and work today?
Field are white and harvests waiting
Who will bear the sheaves away?
Loud and long the Master calls you
Rich rewards he offers free
Who will answer gladly saying:
Hear am I; send me, send me.

If you cannot speak like angels
If you cannot preach like Paul
You can tell the love of Jesus
You can say he died for all.
If you cannot rouse the wicked
With the judgment's dread alarm
You can lead the little children
To the savior's waiting arms.

My favorite hymn, with the message that a little faith is enough faith, sung as the last hymn at this man's funeral. I can say with confidence that this was not by accident.

Spoken like a true gentleman,
you refused my love
and insisted we remain friends.
But how can that be?
I am No Lady -
I refuse to accept your rebuke.

Spend your time with me
and I will love you more than heaven.
But you will destroy my heart
if you leave me alone for long.
For love is fickle
and mine may freeze with your icy breath.

Would you love me if I were beautiful and knew
the difference between Aristotle and Plato?
Would you love me if I could tell you about
Heracles and Nero and Alexander?
What if I recited Chaucer or Keats?
Or bought you a brandy and
wrote you a song?
No. I know you.
You cannot
love me.

Students Who Hate Me

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I think I have some students that hate me. Of course, as their teacher, what reason would they have not to hate me? Perhaps it was the grammar worksheets or the freewriting activties that finally pushed them over the edge. Today I thought they were going to pluck their eyes out with toothpicks before class was over.

Sexy Tutors

Check out this article on ABCNews.com: http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=2810531

In Hong Kong's "cram" schools, tutors are touting their long legs, svelte figures, and sexy clothing in order to bring in new students. Though I love my tutoring job, I doubt that I will be picking up a plaid mini skirt, knee-length stockings, and high-heeled mary jane's any time soon.

Are we inherently good or evil?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16469039/

http://abcnews.go.com/US/LegalCenter/wireStory?id=2773429

What do you think? Today, I read two news stories. The first is about a man in NY who jumped in front of an oncoming train to save the life of a stranger who had some sort of medical problem and had fallen off the platform. The man jumped to the tracks, grabbed the stranger and rolled him into the drainage trough where several trains apparently went over the two men, just inches from their bodies. This man was unselfish enough to risk his own life for a complete stranger - a complete stranger in NYC.
The second story is about three teenagers who beat a homeless man to death with a baseball bat. I understand that teenagers sometimes don't make the best decisions - yes, I did not make great decisions all the time - but to be so cruel that killing a man doesn't even cross your radar as being morally wrong...? What was wrong with these kids?
Here we have two stories: one of heroism and bravery and the other of cold-bloodedness and cruelty. So what is the answer? Are human beings inherently good or evil? Which way do we have to push ourselves to accomplish these kinds of acts?

I have loved you
(no - the idea of you)
since the moment we first met.
Your eyes like the ocean
swallowed me whole
and I made promises I'm not sure I can keep.
But oh! - to be with you
and held in your arms like
sails holding the wind.
How can I love you
(no - the idea of you)
so much and yet feel like you are an anchor?

Graduate Studies in English

Please, I beg you: Say no more.
Cease the ramble,
Cease the roar,
Cease the constant repetoire of academia.

I cannot shelf you,
Cannot cite you,
Cannot annotate your Herculean effort.

I acknowledge I am flying near the sun,
I am gazing at my own reflection,
I am exposing my tragic flaw - but
I cannot control myself.

Should I become obsessed with my own
immortatlity -- stop me.
Should I start speaking in rime royal -- hold me.
And should I speak of Keats, Shakespeare, and Dickens
as dear friends -- remind me:
Of who you are, of who I am, of what I have to offer.

And the Truth will set you free...

"Adversity is the first path to truth."
"And after all, what is a lie? ’T is but The truth in masquerade." -- George Gordon Byron

"One can write nothing readable unless one constantly struggles to efface one's own personality. Good prose is like a window pane." -- George Orwell

"'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' -- that is allYe know on Earth, and all ye need to know." -- John Keats

"Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light." -- C.S. Lewis

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." -- M Scott Peck

He has burrowed deep inside my brain
like a seed,
germinated and springing up,
settled in and taken root:
a weed.
Try as I might I cannot pull him out.
The thorns cut me
and the roots grow deeper still.
God knows I do not need this
grizzly green growth
inside my garden.
And yet - do I enjoy the feel of prickly leaves?
Do I enjoy the sensation of new love?
I do. But this cannot be.
Go. Leave. Remove your roots.
Let me be.

Do I dare to love you?

Your eyes, your smile:
express something deeper,
and contain the knowledge
of things dark and frightening
that I know too.

Vast spans of space, and age,
and chasms of experience
separate us two - but bridged by love ...
who knows what we can do?

Find me heartbroken
and the world will know that
I have lost you forever
to a world that I cannot know --
and never cared to.

Don't pain me with your lust-filled
words aimed at someone else.
I watch your words escape and I imagine
capturing them with my tender, love-filled hands,
holding them to my heart and
brushing away your tears
until I cannot avoid kissing you.
What then would you do?

Should I bother to update?

I'd like an answer to my own question. Should I or not? It seems to me that no one reads my posts anyways, so I doubt it would matter. But, feeling compelled to do so, I will just quickly relate the happenings of the past several months.
In August I got back from a vacation with the fam. On the phone there was a message from a professor at Winona.
It was urgent. I called back.
He asked if I was still interested in doing graduate school.
I said yes.
He said there was a possibility there was an opening and would I please fill out the forms necessary and send them in. I could get an assistantship too.
Well, do I need to tell you that I filled out the forms as quickly as possible?
The result: I got into the grad program in English at WSU and was offered an assistantship.
That has been the last fifteen weeks: writing, researching, reading, reading, reading some more... I think you understand.
I figure I'd better start writing in this blog some more now to get some things off my chest.
Thank god for the internet.

Update on the personal front

Well, it's been quite a while since I wrote last. Things have been hectic and stressful and busy.
However, I now have some time to actually give a little update on what has been happening in the last few months.
And, let me tell you - a lot has happened!
First of all, I did get a job at Staples and the Boys and Girls Club. Both jobs I really liked. I got an interview at Mayo here in town and although I didn't get that job, one of the interviewers called me and asked that I apply for another position at Mayo. I did that, and was offered the job. I did that for about two and a half months and ended up quitting at both Staples and the Boys and Girls Club.
I did like the job at Mayo because it did require a lot more busy work than my previous 9-5 job, but I didn't really picture myself staying there for the next twenty years of my life. Then of course, I made a mistake - rather, a large lapse of judgment - and I was allowed to resign. However, I do think that this will end up being for the best. As I said, I didn't imagine myself there for the rest of my life. I do plan on having kids at some point in the future, and this wasn't the type of job that you can do part-time and still stay at home raising your kids.
As I thought about it more, I realized (as I said in my last post -- I should have listened to myself!!) that I'm really not cut out for a desk job.
The type of job I want has the following attributes: flexible schedule so I can be home with my future kids, allows me to be creative, puts me in charge, and I make a difference in society somehow. Now, I don't know if you've been looking for jobs like this at all, but let me tell you - they don't exist.
But as I searched for jobs to apply for and fretted about what exactly was going to be happening to me in the future, I got a suggestion from my mom. She had a dream and was discussing my fate with a friend, and the decision was that I should be a teacher.
I had originally planned on being a teacher, in fact that was my declared major my freshman and early sophomore years in college. But the requirements and the whole No Child Left Behind Act frustrated me and I dropped it. Then of course, I had just plain English and then added the Paralegal degree for good measure. All a complete waste of time -- for the most part.
Miraculously, I can stay in Rochester and get my elementary teaching degree here. I don't have to drive to Winona every day. I don't have to take all online classes. In fact, the campus is less than a mile from our house.
As I thought about the prospect of becoming a teacher, it dawned on me that being a teacher has all of the elements that I want in a job. I can be creative (within limits of course), the schedule is ideal as I can be at home over the summer and when my kids are done with school, I get to be in charge and basically run things the way I want to (again, within reason), and the most obvious is that I get to make a difference in the lives of kids.
At the Boys and Girls Club I spent a lot of time with elementary aged kids working on homework, supervising them and tutoring second grade kids. I loved it. And the teachers I worked with all asked me why I didn't get a degree in teaching in the first place!
So, the short end of this story is that I have now in front of me the application to college (again!) and I am looking to go back to Staples so that I can work full-time over the summer and then part-time in the fall when I start classes. Hopefully that will work out, otherwise I'm sure I can find something else.
I have also recently signed up to sell Lia Sophia jewelry. If you haven't heard of it, they really have some great jewelry at reasonable prices and their hostess programs are awesome. I make 30% of my sales and apparently it's a really easy program to get in to and make decent money at. I'm hoping that I will make enough extra cash doing that to at least not be completely poor.
Now, as for this blog.... I am sick of writing about myself and my life, so from now on I'm going to go back to more writing about political and social issues like I did before.
So, wish me luck with all my endeavors and I'll keep you posted!

Employed at Last

It's unfortunate, isn't it?
You go to school for four years or more, you do a job you think you're going to like (you don't) and when you go to look for a new job, you find you're not qualified for anything!
It's difficult to understand how that is possible, but I know so many people have a hard time finding employment, so I guess I can't complain.
I just got offered a job at Staples. I love office supplies. Of course, it is only part-time, but that's all right. There is opportunity for advancement and I'm hoping to get another part-time job at the Boys & Girls Club here in town.
At least this way, we can go ahead and get the house. The people I'll be working with all seem really nice, and I'm looking forward to meeting some new people.
I don't think I'm cut out for a desk job, so I'm looking forward to some different career opportunities.
I suppose I'd better go pick up our new cell phones....